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Franzi Katzka

A sleek black Oriental Shorthair cat (Franzi) trapped in a tiny harness, looking utterly betrayed and filled with existential dread as she is paraded past barking dogs, screeching bicycles, and judgmental pigeons in a chaotic urban setting.

The Inspection

Franzi wakes to the sound of the door crashing open. Not the gentle creak of a household settling, not the hesitant knock of a package delivery, but a full-blown break-in—the kind that suggests either a high-stakes police raid or an overly dramatic
February 18, 2025
A sleek black Oriental Shorthair cat staring in existential dread at a glowing phone screen, surrounded by eerie green digital rain and floating TikTok logos, evoking the overwhelming presence of the algorithm.

The Algorithm Sees You: Franzi vs. the TikTok Experiment

I should have known better. The algorithm is omnipresent, omniscient, and, apparently, omnideutsch. In a moment of questionable decision-making—perhaps fueled by existential boredom or an unspoken desire to prove a point—I created a TikTok account. A fresh, unsullied profile. No history, no
February 17, 2025
Two sleek black Oriental Shorthair cats sit beside an imbalanced scale with two food bowls—one full and the other half-full—symbolizing fairness, support, and quiet struggles in a multi-cat household.

The Price of Fame, The Weight of Being Seen

After Schmutz’s little influencer disaster (see: The Fake Fame Catastrophe), Mum and I found ourselves in a late-night conversation about money, support, and the strange ways we show love. Schmutz had wanted fifty euros to buy fake fame from a scammer. Mum
February 17, 2025
A dramatic, noir-style portrait of a black Oriental Shorthair cat with large, expressive ears, holding a tiny bat-like puppet on strings. The image has a dark, moody background, with a "The Caretaker" logo in the upper corner, styled like "The Godfather" movie title. The cat’s gaze is intense, exuding authority and quiet control.

The Playtime Gambit: A Tale of Delegated Mischief

It begins with a single, well-placed whine. A chirp, if you will. The sound of a cat who has been gravely neglected in the department of recreational stimulation. Felix, predictably, looks up from whatever mundane human activity he’s performing (typing, eating, existing)
February 15, 2025
A missing cat poster featuring a pencil sketch of a ginger and white cat named Milly. The sketch has a courtroom-style illustration, giving it a serious yet heartfelt tone. The poster is minimal, with only "MISSING: MILLY" in bold letters at the top.

The Trickbetrügerkatze Is Missing—Should I Care?

I was sitting in the hallway, grooming with purposeful nonchalance, when I heard it. Mum spoke in a hushed tone to Dad, as if uttering something unspeakable. “I found a note from the owner,” she said. “The Trickbetrügerkatze is missing, her name
February 14, 2025
A sleek black Oriental Shorthair cat wearing a dramatic black mask and high-collared futuristic cloak, standing in a cinematic sci-fi setting surrounded by armored figures.
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The SchmutzShow: The Schmutz Awakens

The Schmutz Show: The Schmutz Awakens Schmutz has mastered the art of weaponized stupidity. She will sit—eyes wide, ears slightly askew, mouth barely open as if a single thought might be too much to handle—until the humans crumble under the weight of
February 11, 2025
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